TTC

The day after having my implant out last month i had bleed not sure if it was a period or just the effect of having the implant out, but last thursday i came on a proper period which means one thing WE CAN START TRYING TO CONCIEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay finally this past month has felt so long, and although we didn't use protection once or twice we knew the chances we're so slim that we didn't worry about (although if we had become pregnant from it our due date would have been Lotties birthday, so glad we didn't lol). I am really nervouse about a few things, firstly that its going to take a long time, im so impatiant that i know that every month that my period comes is going to be heart breaking. i also think iv scared myself by reading into secondy infertility to much, the chances of it happening should be quite slim with me only being 20 but it can still happen. Another worry of mine is that that when i do get pregnant is that i have a really bad pregnancy and birth, after having such an easy time first time round. And also how im going to cope with a new baby and a toddler, i bearly moved of the sofa for the 1st month after lottie was born but it didnt matter because i only had the two of us to look after, so how will i cope being up all night then getting up and running round after lottie? i guess you just get on and and do it so many other people manage to do it, i just hope i can.

i dont want Lottie to feel left out or unloved because i want another baby so badly, or sound ungrateful that i already have one beautiful healthy child. to  me my family just doesnt feel complete and i wouldnt want Lottie to grow up on her own and not know what its like to have such a close friendship that only siblings have. And would hate for her to be spoilt. I also feel that she has alot of presure on her being the only grandchild on both sides bit especially L's, sometimes it feels like they treat her like shes a performing monkey.

Wish me luck!!!!
E xx